Did Somebody Say Marshmallow?

Rocco is really obsessed with marshmallows and it has reached a new all-time low. 

Rocco is back at it again and this time it is his new obsession with a new food. It is not a dog treat but rather a sweet for humans and that's why he's partly obsessed with these things. You can cook them on a campfire, a grill, and can make smores with them. They also come in Lucky Charms cereal as well. Rice Crispy treats also use them too. 

They are marshmallows. That's right, marshmallows. Rocco is really obsessed with marshmallows and we mean really, really obsessed with these things. It has gotten to a point where the word "marshmallow" can no longer be said at his house. The euphemism "white gelatin things" are used in marshmallow's place so he doesn't know what his owners are talking about. 

If you say this power word "marshmallow", here is what will happen. He will first perk up his ears, eyes widen, look at you and then jump off of his recliner/throne and then run towards you. He will stare at you, and if you go get him one, he will sit down and wait for the marshmallows to come to daddy. And when they come falling down, he will suck them up like a vacuum cleaner. But if they are larger marshmallows, he will put them in his mouth and walk off and hide with it. Apparently he doesn't want us trying to steal his "treat".

His marshmallow addiction began when my dad offered him one of these things to see if he would like them, and as we now know, he does. My dad then began to feed them sporadically, but once Rocco had the taste of the mallow, he's hooked for life. Over time, his marshmallow obsession eventually got to an all-time low.  If you even go to the pantry and grab a bag of any kind, Rocco will happily run to you, thinking you have marshmallows and beg until either you tell him firmly "no" or cave in to his demands and hand him one of those puppies. You can even think the word and he will perk up his ears from his throne and stare you down because he knows what your thinking about. 

There a few theories on why Rocco is obsessed with marshmallows:

1. It is because they are not a treat for dogs and he likes sweets made for humans and he knows this.

2. They are made of gelatin. Gelatin is made of various meats and protein and because dogs are carnivores, they naturally crave anything made of meat. It is an instinct for them to hunt down prey in the wild and the same goes for when Rocco is on the prowl in the pantry.

3.  He thinks he is king of the castle and can have and do anything he wants. Rocco even stole my recliner and made it his "throne" and he makes it clear that he does not anyone to sit in it. If you go near the recliner, he will give you the stink eye and make it your not allowed in it. If you make the mistake of trying to sit in it while he is in it, he will stretch out his legs and lay down. The message this papillon king is sending is that when it comes to the recliner, there is no room for two. 

To end the madness, I no longer buy marshmallows and don't eat them in his sight or say the word.We may have stopped the Marshmallow Madness, but he still thinks he's king of the castle.  

Patrick's Interview With Pinhead Sam: Former Bowling League Star

We won't say much about Pinhead Sam because the interview we have will cover almost everything you need to know about Pinhead Sam before his fate as a chewed up dog toy. This interview was done in August 2019. This was also Pinhead Sam's last interview and Patrick's first.

[This is the transcript of the interview and the details are provided for clarity:]

Patrick: Well hello there. How are you?

Pinhead: I'm ok.

Patrick: So tell me, how did you meet April's owner exactly?

Pinhead: Well I met her in the year 2000, right at the beginning of the new millennium so our bowling league had a big practice to celebrate this once in a lifetime occasion. You are too young to remember the new millennium beginning and all of the celebrations.

Patrick: I am, but I am aware of the 2YK and some of the panic there was regarding computers, technology and how the turn of the century would turn. But everything turned out ok thank god.When did you start your bowling career?

Pinhead: I started my career in the year 1975,funny because that's the year April's owner was born. I worked my way from a gutter ball punk to the kingpin you know today. Kingpin is my favorite movie also. I also started joining bowling leagues when I was 16 and practicing, because they say practice makes perfect. It took a few years to improve my performance and getting connecting with the various leagues and establishing myself as a bowler.

Patrick: When would you say was the peak of your career as a bowling star?

Pinhead: I would say beginning in the mid 80s, that was when my career as a professional bowler starting really taking off. I was getting strikes left and right for 2 decades after that.

Patrick: How many leagues were you part of during your 35 year career?

Pinhead: I was with 12 bowling leagues during the span of my career. However only 3 are still left.
The other leagues became obsolete after changes in leadership changed how the leagues were to be managed and now a few knock-offs are in their place founded by former league members of those leagues. Those members did not like where the management was taking the leagues so once membership fell, they had to discontinue them.

Patrick: How many awards have you gotten?

Pinhead:  25.

Patrick: Wow that's a lot. Were they all trophies or all kinds of rewards of sorts?

Pinhead: About all of them are trophies. I got a shelf at my house full of them. They range from small to large so I have to think about how to display them all in the same place, which was not an easy task.

Patrick: Could you tell me any more details about when you met April's owner?

Pinhead: Yes, it was at a bowling league and I just joined her league. Keep in mind that this was one of my last leagues before my retirement. We were about to win our tournament and she saw me about to do my signature Pinhead Sam Strike. And I said "Striiiike" and led us to victory. And she was the second best player we had on our league so we both won a prize. She got a silly slammer that looks like me and I got the cash award, which was $4,000.

Patrick: That sounds like quite a bit of money. Did you put in the bank? It seems like you truly had it made back in the day.

Pinhead: What are you, a pinhead? Of course I did.

Patrick: What advice would you give to anyone who wants to have a professional bowling career?

Pinhead: I am glad you ask that question. It's a really good question. The first thing I would say is to keep practicing and improve your scores. You know those triangles on the lanes? When you bowl, concentrate on them, they help the ball navigate to the pins. Always aim for the center of the lane and there's a good chance if you bowl the ball fast enough, it will hit all the pins and you got yourself a strike. Other times, you will most likely get a spare. And as for joining a league, you should acquaint yourself with other bowlers and then join a beginner's league and then work your way up to a professional league where you can win cash prizes. 

Patrick: So how long have you known April's owner?

Pinhead: 19 years. And April for 11 years.

Patrick: I hear April loves toys especially stuffed animals. Ask Figment about the first time he met her. Are you ever worried that, as a silly slammer, she might shred you up and scatter the stuffing across the house? I know this interview sounds extremely strange to anyone who doesn't really know you and people might think it's weird that I'm actually setting aside time to have an interview with a Silly Slammer soon to be dog toy. Your a toy. A toy. I mean now this is something not many bloggers have the opportunity to do something like this. Except when Tim Allen and Tom Hanks are in character for Toy Story. What's your say about April the dog toy destroyer?

Pinhead: Anything goes I guess. I mean if April ever does get ahold of me, it's not really anyone's problem anymore. I already had my career and made my money so I don't really think about it one way or another. At least I get to be interviewed.

Patrick: Now just hold a minute. Your the silly slammer that  April's owner won at the tournament. Now this is just ridiculous. Your going to make me look like a fool to all my audience who reads my articles and when they see this they are going to think this is a big joke. What do you have to say for yourself?

Pinhead:  I just said everything I needed to. We may as well just wrap up the interview since I told you everything you need to know.

Patrick: Well thanks for taking the time to do this interview.

Pinhead: Not a problem.

[The transcript ends here.]

The interview was well quite interesting you could say. In the end it turned out Pinhead Sam was the silly slammer and wanted his 15 minutes of fame and to make Patrick look foolish. However the following week, April's owner found the talking silly slammer shredded up around her house and stuffing everywhere and she had to clean the house. Patrick later told her he interviewed a dog toy. The now chewed up dog toy was tossed in the trash and Patrick fortunately wrote down the interview and posted it on here.

Note: This interview was entirely fictional. Patrick does not nor has ever had an interview with silly slammers or dog toys. This was basically creative writing and Pinhead Sam's backstory is fictional and is meant to be humorous. Fortunately Patrick does not talk to toys and just wanted to create a really interesting blog. That entire interview was written by Patrick including Pinhead Sam's backstory. He will be posting more on his own blog, The Patrick S Blog.

Teddy Bear

He looks like a sweet teddy bear, but his toys aren't fooled by that cute smile

10 year-old Pomeranian/Corgi Teddy really loves toys. He is in fact a really playful dog who loves his toys. He loves them a bit too much actually. We have been told that he shreds them when no one is looking. He's like Sid from Toy Story but with dog toys instead.

 Teddy destroys his toys so other dogs can't play with them. One time he had a toy alligator who did the "Gator Chomp" at his house which was a big mistake (Teddy's a Buccaneers fan) so when they lost once he shredded his gator toy out of revenge. His owners less than extremely happy to find shredded gator all over their house and the stuffing making it look like Christmas came to their house(we are neutral about sports so this isn't biased towards any teams) . Ironically Teddy lives in Florida and in fact, the editor in-chief of this site, Patrick, who also lives in Florida, actually lives in Gator Country and has visited their capital, Gainesville on numerous occasions because of the proximity from his home. (a fun fact about Patrick, but enough about him for now). 

So after many shredded toys, his owners got fed up and eventually quit buying him as many toys as they used to.  He still gets his treats and gets table scraps from his owner's mom on the side when no one is looking.  We know that he misses having as many toys as he used to, so we here at the Barkly Times will buy him a basket of squeaky toys based on characters from Patrick's  current film in-production "Grandpa Jim" once the film is released (most likely sometime April 2020, more information is on Patrick's personal blog on that) and has a screening party. 

We will give Teddy the basket as a gift and he will have quite a lot of new toys again. Coming soon is an interview of April's owner's friend turned shredded dog toy/ former bowling league star Pinhead Sam soon. We will publish the interview between him and Patrick before April turned into a toy shredder. 

Doodle Bug?

Is that a Doodle Bop? Nope, it's a doodle bug.

Cur Abigail is back at it again with her antics and this time a bug is involved. A doodle bug who didn't want us to release her name on here. So to respect her privacy, Abigail's toy, friend, pet or whatever you want to call it, we'll just call her "Doodle Bug".  We will also do a future article on a Pomeranian who really loves his toys so much, he's getting a separate article about him. Doodle Bug is just giving Abigail the stare as she is sleeping because when Abigail told her they were going to her place and chill, Doodle Bug didn't know that meant getting stuffed with cheese to fight the munchies and crash on the couch with Netflix on the TV. And it's not what Doodle Bug wants to watch on Netflix either. Abigail was watching Superstore and ended up on Cloud 9 and Doodle Bug isn't exactly the biggest fan of America Ferrera.  So basically Doodle Bug ended being Abigail's cuddle buddy as we can see in this picture. A few hours later Abigail woke up and noticed Doodle Bug was still there. Doodle Bug went back home knowing that she was basically treated as a dog toy.